In a therapy session last week, my eyes welled up, not with grief, but with something I hadn’t expected: an overwhelming presence of joy.
What happened in that therapy session
My therapist is trained in Internal Family Systems (IFS), a therapeutic approach that helps you identify and work with different “parts” of yourself.
I specifically sought out a therapist who was trained in this modality because it helps to identify the various past experiences that have stayed with us and subconsciously impact the feelings, thoughts, and reactions we are having in the present.
At the start of our last session, she asked me to check in with which parts were present.
When I opened my eyes, she asked what came up for me and my eyes started to well with tears. Not from pain, quite the opposite. “I am so overwhelmed with the presence of joy,” I told her.
That joy was so present because I have been in a season of reflection. I have been giving myself space to sit with memories and fully remember them – the feelings, thoughts, and sensations I felt in my body.
Some of the memories were painful at the time, but now as I look back and see how I have grown, I am able to reconnect to the experience with gratitude. For the experiences that were joyful, it was fun to sit with them and relive the fun again.
Why reflection is the doorway to gratitude
The practice of having gratitude has been mainstream for some time now. From keeping a journal to having a routine set of morning practices, it is not difficult to find ways to demonstrate your gratitude.
But gratitude without reflection and embodiment is thin. It tends to be abstract: “I’m grateful for my health, my family, my home.” True gratitude has texture. It comes from actually sitting with what happened, letting yourself remember it fully, and recognizing how it shaped you.
That’s what I’ve been doing for the past several weeks. Giving myself permission to revisit key experiences from the past year and truly remember the various aspects of what came up for me.
The time that I have gifted myself to pause and reflect is bringing voice to how this past year impacted who I am and is offering direction for where I want my life to go in the coming year.
Also, looking at the themes and impact of the past year has shown me the stark contrast to where I was last year. I am overwhelmed with gratitude for how much can change in our lives in one year. From chaos and uncertainty to now sitting in trust and possibility, I have a new lens on life to set intentions moving forward.
The three themes that defined my 2022
When I look back at this past year, three themes clearly emerged.
Theme one: Community
Part of my decision to move to Los Angeles was a deep desire to root myself in sisterhood. I had long-term friendships here I wanted to lean into more fully, and I trusted that new connections were waiting. This year, both came true. My home and calendar filled up in the best possible way. I am excited to see where more connections will be made.
Theme two: Learning
Much of this year was devoted to growing as a coach. I spent six months studying trauma and its impact on the body and our sense of possibility. Learning about Internal Family Systems, somatic practices, and nervous system science helped me process some of my own experiences, and in turn, made me a better guide for my clients doing the same work.
Theme three: Abundance
The move to LA was harder than expected. It took months to find a place to live, so I was commuting between the Bay Area and LA monthly. The budget I’d set was blown almost immediately. I questioned whether I needed to lower my expectations or change my timeline. Ultimately, I decided to trust that my desires were a calling, not a delusion. Coaching and consulting work arrived that I hadn’t anticipated, which offered a financial cushion. The home meant for me was finally available and ready for me to move in immediately. Now I’ve been able to settle into the life I was striving to build.
Gratitude as a grounding practice, not just a feeling
When we acknowledge the blessings already present in our lives, we are doing something more than feeling warm about them. We are taking ownership of the present moment. We are grounding ourselves in what is real and true right now. That helps our brains to see and understand all the good that is possible for us.
That grounding matters before we leap into visioning. It’s easy to rush toward next year’s goals when the pressure to have a “plan” is everywhere. But a vision built on a clear-eyed understanding of where you’ve been is far more powerful than one born from anxiety about the future.
Sit with what was. Feel the experiences again. Decide what you want to feel and experience moving forward. Then plan your small steps to start moving in that direction.
What comes next
After unpacking the past year, my next step is getting clear on who I am in this season of my life and how I want to evolve over the coming year(s). Honoring the present and starting to name the future offers clarity for where to lean in over the next year.
There’s no need to rush to the vision. Start by reflecting on how far you have come and where you are now, the rest will naturally start to unfold before you.
