For 13 years I commuted to work. 30 minutes in the morning, and if I was lucky, only 30 minutes in the evening. I would play a game with myself during my drives.

This game was called: What would I do if I got to live a different life?

I was really frustrated with myself last weekend. There are patterns of behavior and deficit thinking I thought I was over. I assumed they were seen, acknowledged, explored... fixed. Nope.

It just takes one interaction to spark feelings that leave my mind spiraling back to places I thought were boarded up and closed. That happened to me this weekend. I caught myself internally repeating phrases that should be long gone.

I spent the past week with my family enjoying time sheltered together while logged off from work. We ate, watched movies, played games, ate some more... you know how we do.

As I was driving home at the end of the weekend, I was reflecting on how much I love us. Our Latinx culture, our values, and our ways of being. I’m not saying we are perfect and there are no values and mindsets within Latinidad that need to be interrogated. I can hold a need for change while also appreciating the beauty and what I want to hold onto. 

Last week someone asked me about pivotal conversations that have changed the trajectory of my life. The one that immediately came to mind occurred 4 years ago this November.

I was scheduled for a meeting with the other leaders in my organization. It was suddenly canceled. I thought it would be a few minutes to catch up on my inbox. What came next changed the trajectory of my life.

Are you seeing all the Christmas trees that have been popping up the last couple of weeks? I keep seeing photos of friends sharing their decorated homes. They are excited to get to a season that has traditionally brought them a lot of joy. So many of us are recreating the things that remind us of happier times.

I am also seeing a lot of holiday sales creeping in prematurely. These ads filling my inbox and social media feeds were starting to annoy me. I wasn’t completely sure why. Then a friend sent me a video called The Story of Stuff and it all started to come together in my mind.

Saturday morning I woke up to the sounds of cheering and clapping. I eventually opened my phone and saw that Joe Biden was our new president-elect and Kamala Harris was our new vice president-elect. The streets in my neighborhood were full of people honking, dancing, and smiling ear to ear.

I could not bring myself to celebrate the election results. I was feeling disconnected to the joy around me.

There’s only one thing on my mind today. The election happening in our country.

I have been a devoted voter since the age of 18. I may have missed a mid-term election here or there. For the most part, I have made it a priority to vote in every election over the past 23 years.

The power of our vote and the privilege I have to be able to vote has not been lost on me.

You deserve rest. It is on my heart today to remind you of this.

You do so much for others. In this time of great need you are caring for family members, volunteer in your community, getting out the vote, figuring out a new way to function in your work environment, etc.

In the midst of all you are doing, I worry that you are not also caring for yourself.

Many of the Latinas who I coach feel alone on their journey of personal discovery. They are often the first in their family to graduate from college, the one who lives farthest away from their family, the first to work in a non-labor intensive profession, first to travel internationally, at work they may be the only woman of color in leadership... they are trailblazers in so many ways.

This week we wrap up Latinx Heritage Month. I spent time this past weekend reflecting on this month of honoring the past and the paths that were cleared by our ancestors for us to live our lives at this moment.

My journey began generations before I was born. The spirits of generations past live through me today as I evolve as a living ancestor. How I choose to continue the journey is an offering of gratitude and sets the stage for those who follow me.

I am visiting my family this week for my nephew’s birthday. Sitting around the table eating dinner together, laughing, and singing to him are among the moments that continue to remind me there is joy and hope among the chaos and frustration.

For multiple reasons, this is feeling like a good year to introduce the little ones in my life to their ancestors and how they are a part of their lives. We got out a notebook over the weekend and started our preparations for Día de Los Muertos at the end of the month.

Fall is one of my favorite seasons. The perfect mix of warmth and a little breeze. I think of cooking soups long and slow and curling up on the couch while wrapped in a blanket. Cozy and settled is my usual fall state.

This year October will be different. Cuddling up at home will have a different feeling, since I haven’t left home much this year. Instead of a return home to start hibernating after a summer of fun and adventure, it will be a continuation of slower living and lots of reflection.