Too many of us have grown up in environments where we were encouraged and rewarded for contorting to fit outside expectations. All of our hustle and sacrifice to meet those expectations were met with requests for more assimilation and distancing from our unique gifts.

I am here to remind us all that when we hide our true selves, we lose opportunities to connect with the people we need in our lives. When we show all parts of who we are, the people we need in our lives can find us.

My month in Los Angeles has come to an end. I am already missing a blessing that did not become obvious to me until last week.

The back of the house we were renting had a sunroom facing the Hollywood Hills. The little desk in that room made it a good spot to create my office for the month. Every day I would pop open my laptop and dive into work-from-home life. This space quickly became defined as work and not pleasure.

As I was scrolling through old photos I stumbled upon a high school graduation photo, shaking the hand of a school board member they have never met.

I have seen this photo numerous times over the years but when I looked at the details of the photo this time, stood out to me... my nails. Seeing those french tip acrylic nails on my high school self took me back to the struggle between who I wanted to be and who I was able to be at that stage in my life.

This past Saturday marked one year since I launched the Thriving Chingona Community. What a beautiful year it has been engaging with this community of Latinas and getting to know you.

The dream of creating safe spaces for Latinas to gather for healing and liberation had been on my heart for some time. However, in a pre-pandemic world I wasn’t giving myself enough space to see the dream through.

The universe is always speaking to us. We need to be in tune enough to listen.

Last week I shared that I am feeling a desire within myself to seek more freedom in my life, and I am still not clear on what that looks like.

I am now 42 years old. Another lowkey birthday celebrated during a pandemic. The blessing of a slower pace and less contact with people means that I have gotten to the root of who I want to be with and where I want to be.

Last year I spent the first six weeks of sheltering in place alone in my apartment. Unsure of what covid was or how it would pass to others, I chose to stick it out alone. Then as the days got closer to my birthday, I knew I needed some love and human contact.

Spring and fall are my favorite seasons. The weather is mild, there is a breeze in the air, and fashion can go in so many directions. Spring in particular is special, because new life is blooming.

Though we transitioned into spring over a month ago, I am just feeling the blooming in my soul now. There was something about receiving my second vaccine shot that opened me up to hope and a new lens to see the world around me.

I don’t have a regular schedule for meeting with my therapist. It is more of a general sense that I have some internal processing to do that sends me to his scheduling link, roughly once a month. Life has moved quickly since the start of the year and I connected with him recently after almost two months without a session. I had so many burning topics to process from recent life happenings.

Back when I was still a high school principal, I was scheduled for a meeting with the other leaders in my organization. It was suddenly canceled. I thought it would be a few minutes to catch up on my inbox.

What came next changed the trajectory of my life.

I am kicking off a new book club with some besties this week. We are diving into a 7-week journey around manifestation. The premise of the book is that as we turn inward and find the blocks within us that are making it difficult to receive what we are seeking to attract, we can make conscious decisions to remove those blocks and begin to attract what we desire to our lives.

I had a conversation where someone asked me, “Can you receive compliments?” I wanted to answer, “Yes.” but hesitated because I realized I have a tendency to deflect compliments and not receive and appreciate them.

Last week I paused to wonder what barriers I could consciously continue to remove, I remembered the compliments conversation. To move further towards love, I need to learn to receive the love that comes my way.

We have hit the one-year mark of the pandemic sending us into our homes and narrowing our in-person interactions to small pods of “safe” friends. The news and social streams were full last week with memories of the last days people spent before sheltering in place and businesses started closing down. Memories of dinners with a group of people or their last trip before staying grounded for a year.

I have still been thinking about last week’s letter about the energy we bring to spaces and how that calls in the people we need in our lives. Calling people in is part of the equation. Maintaining healthy relationships is another. Whether someone is meant to be in our lives for a season or the rest of our journey, there is intentionality needed for that time to be fruitful for all involved.

This past weekend Thriving Chingonas came together for our first book club. The spirit of the space was one of authenticity, vulnerability, and a desire to connect. That energy has been consistent in our spaces.

I have had a number of messages and questions about the Thriving Chingonas Community space. Generally, folks want to know how I am bringing all of these amazing Latinas together.

Last week I was able to hold space for two different groups of Latinas. With each group, I walked them through a series of journaling prompts. One group was focused on unearthing judgment and the other was identifying their fears. After both sessions, I had messages from some of the Latinas wanting to let me know about their experiences.

I am an extrovert. No question about it. One of the characteristics of an extrovert is speaking to process. I am rarely at a loss for words. That is because I am usually trying to process something out loud or share something I am learning and seeking to integrate into my life.

I am a lover of books. Good old fashioned paperbacks that I write all over and stack around my home. I always say books are my journals.

Last week I was feeling the need to deeply contemplate love. Something caught my eye as I was sat at my desk: Communion: The Female Search for Love by bell hooks. I immediately took it off the shelf and knew it was not an accident that it stood out among the piles.

I am feeling blocked. Usually, my letters to you flow from me. I can’t wait to share the latest of what is going on and what is on my mind.

Tonight I am sitting here staring at my screen wanting to be in community with you while also not knowing what to say to start our conversation.

We are still far from our collective liberation. Last week was a reminder of just how far we are.

The coup/insurrection/riot that happened last week was not a surprise. However, it brought up a lot of emotion for me and others. I tried my best to be informed and not absorbed in all the details. That was not an easy task to accomplish.

Our cultural norm of constantly being in motion to justify our existence is hella strong.

I was worried that if I wasn’t posting on social media people would forget about me or start unfollowing. I worried that if I did not respond to emails about consulting opportunities they would be gone by January. I worried about maximizing my time off of work to create new programming.

At the root of my worry was that if I was not working I was not relevant anymore.